


Better Off

by riceballinthebasket



Series: Kyoru Week 2020 [3]
Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Day 3: Tease, Day 4: Lover, F/M, Kyoru Week 2020, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riceballinthebasket/pseuds/riceballinthebasket
Summary: It's sunrise. Tohru and Kyo are pining for one another from their respective rooms. There's a lot of angst and desire rolled up in guilt and shame.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Series: Kyoru Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968826
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Better Off

**Author's Note:**

> OOOFFF I am so late on Kyoru week. My two close friends from high school/college just got married this weekend, and my thesis proposal is due soon, so I had no time. I threw this one together for Kyoru Week Days 3 (Tease) and 4 (Lover) combined. I'm not super fond of it, but I was feeling angsty and didn't want to turn to smut, so here we are! We're post-Sorta Cinderella again!

_I… I don’t want… don’t want…_

In his mind he pleaded with her not to tease him so. It wasn’t fair for his mind to wander like that, to _those_ places, when he didn’t deserve it. He barely deserved the side glances he gave her, the moments they shared together, her smiles, and even the sad excuses he gave himself to touch her: head bumps, grabbing her arm, her hand, even his head on her shoulder.

It scared him to think otherwise. He put his head on his shoulder because he wasn’t sure what else he would have done to her. Kiss her? Like she’d want that. Like he had any right. The damn rat for sure would knock him senseless if he even tried that. And there’s no way he wouldn’t think of Kyoko as he was kissing her daughter. He had no right.

Kyo buried his face into his pillow. It hadn’t been a good night’s sleep, and dawn approached in its orange-yellow and purple haze. He savored the light that came in through the crack in his curtains in the morning. It reminded him of her, of Tohru, and her bright smile every morning. But, of course, everything reminded him of her.

_I… I don’t want… don’t want…_

He scowled and brought his head up only to slam it back down on the pillow. He had no right to think she meant anything more than looking out for him. She always looked out for him. He’d tried to do the same for her, but the question remained: does he succeed at it? She’s his best friend, easy, hands down. Best friends shouldn’t be more than that.

How he wished, though. How he _fucking_ wished for it. He only permitted small glimpses of this fictional future in his dreams, one of Tohru’s smiles and legs and the fried eggs she made for him, a future of them together on some roof in some faraway town, entangled under the stars in a way they couldn’t be here. Grinding his teeth, his body relaxed, even as guilt pumped through every vein in his body. He wanted that. More than anything. Some days, it was all he could think about, all that kept him going, these fantasies in his head.

_I… I don’t want… don’t want…_

But all fantasies must come to an end. What he wanted, what was his most twisted fantasy, would not be his reality. His reality was bars and darkness and Akito’s leering condescension and cruelty. It was better not to drag Tohru into it at all. She didn’t need to know. He would just disappear after graduation day, and she would move on. He knew it would hurt her, but the pain would ease after a while. And what choice did he have? He couldn’t have this conversation with her. Especially thinking she might possibly—no, _no_ , she couldn’t—

She didn’t love him back. It would be stupid for her to do so. He only ever dragged her into his shit. He couldn’t do it anymore, especially knowing what was ahead: what he deserved for what he did to his mother, to Kyoko, and to everyone else. It would be better. He knew everyone would be better off.

* * *

_So what if I do? Does that hurt anyone else?_

Her heart ached like someone took a wrench and yanked it upside down. The last time she felt like this was running down the hallways of her school, chased by Hana-chan and Uo-chan, desperate to make it to the hospital, to make her mother’s death un-real. With shaking hands, Tohru pulled her comforter up over her head, only her eyes visible, like she used to as a child, when her mother told her bedtime stories. 

Scared didn’t even begin to cover it. Maybe it was terror. The terror of wanting Kyo-kun like that. Wanting him laughing with her, joking with her, checking in on her... It made her feel weak and dependent. Tohru learned she couldn’t be that way: her mother never was, and after her mother went Tohru couldn’t be either. That was why she picked the tent. It was better to be self-sufficient, to keep her mother’s spirit central at all costs. To grow to be the strong woman her mother knew she could be.

_So what if I do? Does that hurt anyone else?_

Time was running out. How much longer before she wouldn’t be able to see Kyo-kun anymore? His shining eyes, his soft hair, his hands, his chest. The sound of “Idiot”, how he made that endearing instead of insulting. Even his hipbones, poking between the space between his sweatpants and T-shirt as he stretched his arms up…

She shivered in bed, the space between her legs growing hot. Feeling like this was supposed to be normal, she knew that, but normal didn’t extend to those in the Zodiac. Or those who felt that way about a Zodiac member—

The familiar pinpricks in the corners of her eyes forced her to shut them instantly, shaking her head. It wasn’t fair. These were just hormones, nothing more. Kyo-kun was her friend, perhaps one of her best friends, and to desire him like a lover wasn’t fair to him… or to her mother. What right did she have to push her feelings onto him, when he believed he was to be confined? What right did she have for these feelings when breaking the Zodiac curse was for _everyone_ , not just Kyo-kun? What right did she have to feel so deeply about him when she should still be putting her mother first?

_So what if I do? Does that hurt anyone else?_

_It hurts me_ , she thought as the sun stressed itself trying to reach its rays inside her room, only to be thwarted by the curtains. It hurt her because she wanted him by her side, always. She wanted him lying next to her, facing her, his hands running up and down the sides of her torso, him feeling her shiver beneath his touch, and his lips ever close to her. Like lovers. She wanted Kyo-kun, in more ways than one, and to unpack that was too terrifying for words.

She forced herself to move out of bed, unable to sit with these feelings any longer. Opening her curtains, she was struck by the orange glow of the sunrise. Blinding her, like a certain orange-haired boy. He was just her friend. She desired to break the curse for that reason alone. There didn’t need to be anything else. Even if she kept thinking of his lips on hers. 


End file.
